Death's Perspective on the Harry Potter Series
by 10000 SGA Fans can't be wrong
Summary: This will be an eightshot, one chap for every year of Harry's school years, and one prolouge. Humor and action. You've never seen Death like this. REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**Death's Narrative of the Harry Potter Series**

Chapter 1: The Years Before

Well. This is new. The first book written by Death himself- A.K.A me. A stroke of pure genius on my part, although one would naturally think that about their own book. In a way, I have that lousy Tom Riddle Jr. to thank- and blame- for this, because now, all the other  
Incarnations are beginning to think I'm a stuck-up loser like Gilderoy Lockhart, who (fortunately) has not joined us yet.

Oh, right- I should introduce myself. I am Death, collector of souls, right hand man of Hades (not anymore!), terrorizer of humans, and the most feared person in the universe, yada yada yada. I really hate Chaos for giving me those last two titles. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was the third of the Weasley twins, died at birth, and got twisted into this by Fate. The Weasley twins and the Marauders are/were his favorite humans anywhere on Earth. But I digress.

I chose to write this book because 1) It gave me something to do; 2) I now have the unembellished and truthfully accurate life of Harry Potter; 3) I wanted to quash all the rumors about God/Merlin being mad at the world, and explain that it is all Tommy Riddle's fault.

Well, I should probably start. Here goes (deep breath).

This all started when Tommy Riddle Jr. decided to waltz over to his grandparents' house to exact some revenge and to make his first Horcrux. As evil as those things are, I kinda like them, because they make my job one soul collecting less. Anyway, I got a little worried there, because Fate is almost perpetually annoyed with me and doesn't give me any information since Chaos, Time, and I plotted some little pranks that would send her Tapestry of Fate haywire for a little while. I was the only one caught, and boy, am I never crossing Fate again! Anyway.

Anyways, I got worried because I foresaw another Dark Wizard in the making, and if that happened, my job would become about twelve times harder, with all the deaths that always happen. So I followed him back to Hogwarts, and discovered that I had been behind. Tommy boy had already killed another student with a _basilisk_, of all things, when trying to fulfill old Slytherin's wishes! I can tell you, I went to visit the Afterlife when I say that the Founders had been busy with Salazar for making that basilisk in the first place. I've never seen such a sight after death. Gryffindor was especially enthusiastic with his lesson. I've always liked him.

For the next twenty or so years, I watched and did my job as Riddle went around and made four more Horcruxes. I got _real_ worried, so I went and talked with Fate, who still was annoyed with me, and discovered that yet another war was in the brewing. Just great. _Another_ giant work overload. Why me?

Then, I watched the war start, and I kinda lost track after that, because I was always busy with one death after another after another. Time minded my estates up in Purgatory for me, because I did _not_ trust Chaos or Fate. A word of advice- you shouldn't either. Anyways, I watched it escalate until Voldemort was defeated by a toddler! I applaud you, child! Well, as the son of Lily and James Potter, the godson of Sirius Black- Merlin, I wanted a motorbike like his- and the nephew of Remus Lupin, the kid must have known something. Sucks that his parents joined me up here.

Oh no. Chaos and James Potter- I better start running. Now.

Chaos is calling me. Says he wants to show me something. No way in hell I'm going over there.

Later.


	2. First Year

Chapter Two: First Year

Well, I'm back, folks. I had to do some serious running away from Chaos and James Potter. Honestly, whoever thought of putting those two in the same Afterlife is either my worst enemy or has a nasty sense of humor. Oh, that's right… Fate.

Okay, on to Harry Potter's first year. I watched his 'hatchling years' as they went past, as well as occasionally going away to clear my head. Too much of Dudley Dursley will make anyone sick. Anyways, I watched as Hagrid took him away to get his school supplies, and the look on his face when he saw Diagon Alley was priceless. I used my camera that I pick pocketed to snap a photo and keep in my photo album. Yes, I have a photo album. Don't laugh. Shut up.

Moving on. Chronos popped by, and we watched as Harry first entered Hogwarts. It should be noted that Severus Snape hated him on sight. I like that man, for all his faults. He just has this way of cheating death-me. Kudos to you, Severus. If he just wasn't so biased to Gryffindors… but that would ruin his cover. Oh well. Sorry, little Gryffindors. I tried to meddle with Fate, but you know how that usually works out. I was also surprised that Voldemort had finally come out of his snake hole to possess Professor Quirrell, but he is full of surprises. Anyways, Lily joined us and we watched as Harry was sorted into Gryffindor. I lost money to Chronos on that one. I usually don't bet against him, as he knows the future, but I wasn't paying attention when we agreed on the bet.

Life-and Death- went on, as Harry progressed through his first year. James stopped by-I got away very quickly- and we watched Harry's first Quidditch game. Lily almost died-again- when Harry caught the Snitch in his mouth. I was rather pleased. The kid had talent. I wish I was as good as he was. Sadly, I'm only good at being a fan. No Quidditch talent whatsoever. Ah well. War though- that's a different story.

Fate stopped by when the Golden Trio found out about the Sorcerer's Stone. I could have kissed old Nick Flamel for inventing it. That makes my job much easier. Less deaths, more free time for me. Dumbledore helps too, but Nick deserves the credit. Now, if he could only mass-produce them. Life would be easier, but I'd be out of a job. That would royally suck. I'm drifting off subject again. Sorry, but I do that a lot. It's sort of required for my job, because when you talk about death to victims and colleagues every bloody day it gets really morbid. Anyways, we watched Harry at his first real Christmas, where Lily and James, along with Fate, got all teary eyed. Well, whaddayaknow. Fate actually has a heart. We all do, but Fate is a real cold-hearted (censored) sometimes. Sorry, Fate, but it's the truth.

James and Chaos got all excited when Harry received the Invisibility Cloak. Ignotus Peverall also stopped by. I liked him. He's cool. He left, and we watched as Harry snuck out for the first time (James was crying with happiness. "My little Marauder's all grown up.") to find books on Nicholas Flamel. In the Restricted Section. Not the smartest of moves, as the books started screaming when opened. Wisely, Harry fled, and came across the Mirror of Erised. Nasty 

little mirror. People go mad after looking at it for too long, and collecting insane souls is not very fun. Don't try it at home.

Well, later into the year, Hagrid bought a dragon egg and decided to raise it. In a _wooden house_. Idiot! Does the man have no concept of the words _full-size killing machine_, _life sentence_, _Azkaban_, and _Death_?? Honestly! And Time thought Aragog was bad enough! Anyways. Luckily, Ron was able to convince him to send "Norbert" to Romania, where other dragons were. And Charlie. He and Bill are cool. Unfortunately, they were caught by Filch on the way back. I really hate that man. They had to serve detention in the Forbidden Forest, where they met Voldemort! Again! That thing belongs in the deepest pit of hell. Not even Grindelwald split his soul!

I had overlooked it, but the Golden Trio found out about the Sorcerer's Stone, and accurately guessed where it was. Then they went on a fool's quest to stop Voldemort from gaining life again. Luckily, Harry stopped him before he and Quirrell could get their hands on the stone. Yet again, Voldemort fled, and the Wizarding world was safe. For now.

I was really pissed when Harry had to go back to the Dursleys. They have no right to raise children. I was ready to go down there and frighten the heck out of Dumbledore and force him to let Harry stay at Hogwarts, but Fate forced me not to. (censored) her! IF only there was no such thing as Fate…

Well, I'm off. Later.


	3. Second Year

Chapter Three: Second Year

Howdy, folks! I'm back again, and in triumphant… well, triumph. War and I have finally successfully pulled a prank on Fate- a good magical, irreversible-if-you-don't-know-how-to-dispel-it-or-unless-you-capture-Death's-partner-in-crime-and-torture-the-answer-out-of-him. Phew! Don't make me type that again. The reason it worked and I am so happy is that War remembered a prank Chaos pulled seventy years or so ago, combined it with a Marauder prank from the 70's, and finally threw in a good WWW product from the future with it. Our good old buddy Time helped that last one. Needless to say, we got quite a reaction.

Oh yeah, all of us but Time got away. Poor guy. He really shouldn't have helped us-but we're glad he did. Excuse me for a moment. (A.N (footsteps heard walking away, along with a loud whoop of joy and a WWW firework.)) Anyways.

Well, now we enter Harry Potter's second year. I really enjoyed his first year. The kid has a natural talent for evading Death-me, sorry. Chaos spent all his time watching the Weasley twins; you know how he is. In any case, we were expecting even better this year.

What we _weren't_ expecting was the house-elf that took all of Harry's mail and told him not to come back to Hogwarts. I was about ready to go down there to blow off some of the steam I acquired over the summer on to the house elf, but guess who stepped in and stopped me? On second thought, do I really need to answer that? Anyways, I sat back, watched Harry get locked up by his relatives; which made me mad _and_ which made Chaos cast a one-year bad luck spell on the Dursleys for Harry's entire second year. Harry, therefore, was unaffected by it.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love the Weasley twins? Because they have just claimed the spot of Death's favorite humans. Seriously, breaking Harry out through the window with a flying car was the best idea _ever_!! Fate did not approve, however.

Hey. That gave me an idea. Immobilizing Fate, pulling out her window, tying her up, attaching the rope to the end of a flying car, and flying off into the sunset…

Ahhh…

Okay. Daydream over. Though Chaos and I should check it out. Brilliant idea.

Anyways, back to Harry. Nature- Gaea- stopped by and watched the Burrow scene. She cooed at Ginny's reaction to Harry being in her house. Gaea can be sentimental at times. Although, the clock was very interesting. I want one. That way, I can keep track of Chaos.

Soon, the letters came, and we were all disgusted- Lily and James included- at the Defense against the Dark Arts booklist. Lockhart is such a rude, crude, undignified, ugly, stupid, clueless, _fraud_!! Seriously! Cornelius Fudge would have been a better teacher! Sorry. I hate 

Lockhart. We all knew he would be the DADA teacher once we say the booklist. Either him or some love struck witch. Those are worse.

Well, they all piled into that wonderful car, and drove off to King's Cross. I knew something would happen there. The place was heavy with timed nonhuman magic. Wonder who that could be. Fate had to restrain me with magic. (Censored) her! You can guess how the scene played out. Harry and Ron got locked out of Platform 9 ¾, and then became incredibly stupid. Or smart. Depends on your point of view. They took the car and flew it to Hogwarts. Chaos had a field day with that. He loved it. Snape obviously didn't. When they arrived, he tried to have them expelled. Luckily for us-and him- they didn't, because if they had, Snape's new place of residence would be the Hogsmeade morgue, Fate or no Fate.

We took a break, and when we came back, the Chamber of Secrets had been opened yet again. Wonderful. The basilisk just had to be woken up now. Just my luck. The caretaker's cat had been petrified, not killed, and that got me thinking. The new antagonist of this year was definitely not the Heir, because otherwise, the cat would be dead. And good riddance too. I hate that cat.

The year continued, with more attacks, none fatal; thank Merlin, but all petrified. It was revealed that Harry was a Parselmouth, which had Chaos and War thinking he could unknowingly be the Heir of Slytherin, but Fate pointed out his family line, which had them reconsider.

I really hate it when Fate's right all the time. Don't you? (A.N. Tell me in a review if you agree with Death. Please?)

Then we ran into the diary. The no-good, lousy, stinking Horcrux. The world would be much better off without Horcruxes, but I wouldn't be. However, they kept Voldie to this Earth, so they should go.

Hmm. I wonder. What if someone made a Horcrux out of the Earth itself? I wonder…

Anyways, back to the diary. Poor Ginny Weasley. Tom was too clever for her. He tricked her into opening the Chamber, and look where it got both of them. Harry got the diary, which I won a bet on, and learned about Hagrid's expulsion. I knew that Hagrid wasn't the Heir, however, so I held out on another bet.

Harry followed the clues to the spiders in the Forbidden Forest (I hate spiders! Ugh!), where he learned about Moaning Myrtle, and that in turn lead to the Chamber of Secrets. Along the way, we discovered that Lockhart was really a fraud (I knew it! I knew it! And I won money on it too!), and that Salazar Slytherin was a right old pervert. I mean, an entrance in a girl's bathroom?! Come on!

Harry, Ron, and the fraud went down into the Chamber, where the fraud blew his memories out. Finally! He deserved something like that. Avada Kedavra was probably too harsh for him. Sorry, War. Not this time. If you want that to happen, write your own story and post it on Muggle Fanfiction dot net. Otherwise, believe the story.

Anyway, Harry met Tommy, killed the Basilisk, saved Ginny, and destroyed Tommy. All in all, a successful day. With help, of course. Godric's sword also helped. He boasted about that for hours up here. The end of second year was fairly predictable. Harry, Ginny, Ron and the Now-Useless Fraud went up to the school, talked to Dumbledore, freed Dobby the very troublesome house-elf, put Lucius Malfoy in his place, earned a Special Award for Service to the School each, and got exams cancelled. I wish I could do that. The feast was excellent, the ride home fun, and the Dursleys depressing, as usual.

Well, I'm off. I've got some payback projects to work on, including buying a flying car. Maybe a Maserati or a Lamborghini. Something cool.

I'm off. Later. Don't let the house elves get you.

And if you see any flying cars, keep your mouth shut.

A.N. I had fun writing this chapter. Death and Chaos are so fun. R & R, please!


	4. Third Year

Chapter Four: Third Year.

Hi folks! Sorry about the wait. I was watching a Muggle movie and lost track of time. It was really good, though. _Die Hard_, starring Bruce Willis. Excellent plotline, good actors- all the Incarnations love Alan Rickman- but a little too much language. Oh well. Water under the bridge.

Well, I should continue onto Harry's third year at Hogwarts. Time told us that Harry was going to get a few surprises this year, but we all love surprises. He knows this stuff, by the way. He goes backwards. What I mean is, his future is our past, and vice versa. Can't say I envy him there. It makes relationships hell. Poor man. But anyways, back to Harry.

I should start with Sirius Black escaping from Azkaban. It was about time, too. He'd been in there twelve years too long; seeing as he was innocent. But it happened now, and the Wizarding World went into an uproar. An international manhunt took place. But they never caught him. Fortunately. Fate told us that he was sort of vital later on. Now, I may have agreed with her there, but that (censored) acted like she had no humanity and just said that he was needed for Harry in the future. Time confirmed it. She and Dumbledore are two of a kind. It's always "For the greater good." She loses sight of the _now_ in exchange for the _then_. That's probably why she won't let me meddle in the affairs of mortals. I hate her.

Sorry. I went off on a rant again. Didn't mean to. I digress. Anyways, Mr. Black came all the way to Surrey to see his godson before going off for revenge. I was very tempted to point the way to Peter Pettigrew, but Fate stopped me. She doesn't like unweaving ravels in her "threads of fate". Bitch. But before we get there, we go to Harry.

I sympathize him living with poor excuses for muggles. Even worse, they had another one of Male Dursley's relatives come to visit. She made life hell for Harry. Eventually he gave her the just desserts that she deserved, but had to run for it. That was when he ran into Sirius, though he didn't know it. Then the Knight Bus found him, and he made it to the safety of the Leaky Cauldron. From thereon, he was safe.

This is when our fellow Incarnation Hades dropped by for a visit. Usually he's too busy trying to control his demons from mass murder to come visit, but he'd gotten War's help and executed all of them. The thing is, Hades is usually a really nice guy. He got tricked into his position as Lord of Hades (Yeah, one of the conceited Incarnations named his place after himself) by the last Hades. Yes, they retire sometimes. Doesn't happen much. The demons usually get them first. Just kidding. He and Chaos were best buds together when they grew up, around 1767. They both got chosen to replace a couple of us up here, and life hasn't really been the same since, seeing as we don't age. Anyway, he popped up, and we visited and talked about the current situation in the world, and he was really interested in Harry and his life. Just in case he got too interested, Chaos and I pranked him. It was fun. We don't want the lord of the 

underworld getting too interested in our turf. Then we went back to our jobs, with promises to visit soon.

When we came back to Harry, he was on the Hogwarts Express, and had just met Remus Lupin and a Dementor for the first time. One of the previous Hades invented those things. In return, since one of the previous Deaths hated him and had a nasty sense of humor, he brought Hades here, brought a Dementor, and had it suck out Satan's soul. However, since Satan _was_ a soul, well, I'm sure you get the idea. But anyways, Lupin sent it off, helped Harry, and left. He was the new DADA teacher, and since there had been horrible teachers the last few years, he had some catching up for his students to do.

Later on, classes started, and our Golden Trio got their first taste- or lack of it- of Divination and Fate. A previous Fate loved attention, so she gave the gift of foretelling to humans. Another reason I hate Fate. It's so useless. Trelawney, as the fraud she was-is-, predicted death and destruction and the death of hope (and Harry), and ruined Divination for all but two students in Hogwarts. Then we get to Hagrid. Now, Hagrid is a lovable guy, but bringing hippogriffs to a class full of third years is just asking for trouble. In this case, trouble is named Draco Malfoy. He got a hippogriff to attack him, probably hoping to get Hagrid fired. It wasn't very well planned, if he planned at all. He could have gotten killed, and that would have been very bad for Hagrid and Dumbledore. But he only got injured, and got Buckbeak (the hippogriff) on trial.

A little later in the week, Harry and co. finally get one of Remus Lupin's Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons. Chaos predicted that this would now be an unofficial class for pranks, but I knew better. Remus had always been the Hermione of the Marauders back in their days. That bummed Chaos out, when we slowly explained it to him. In small words. In that class, Harry discovered his worst fear (boggart) was a Dementor, A.K.A fear itself. I was very surprised by that. I, like many others, thought that his boggart would be Old Voldie standing over his dead body. I guess I'm not all-knowing, huh? Some of the ways that his classmates banished their boggarts were very entertaining. All of us up here were very fond of Neville Longbottom after that. We _loved_ the image of Snivellus Snape in Neville's grandmothers' clothing. To show our appreciation, we did the same thing to Time when he dropped out of the future. We learned something new that day. Never, _ever_, turn Time into a cross-dresser. He did the most horrible thing he could possibly do to us.

He reversed our bodily functions.

I will never prank Time again. You shouldn't either.

(A.N. Time made it so that their body did the opposite of what they tried to do. For example, when they tried to drink a glass of water, it came out of their mouth and into the cup. Same with eating. And I will not describe what happened when they tried to go to the restroom. Poor men.)

Well, not much happened for a while after that. Lupin's classes were total successes, the Weasley twins pulled pranks, the first Hogsmeade trip came up and Harry couldn't go, Chaos and yours truly pranked Fate (Never gets old. We love it.), and Trelawney kept being a fraud. All in all, normal. Then the unexpected occurred. Sirius Black broke into Hogwarts during Halloween, tried and failed to gain access to the Gryffindor common room, and then slashed the Fat Lady's portrait. He then disappeared without a trace. Needless to say, the school went into an uproar.

Soon, it all died down. However, one day, Professor Lupin was absent from class, and Snivellus Snape filled in for him. Then, he assigned an essay that would make any smart student become instantly suspicious of Professor Lupin and his absences. Luckily, only one person did it- the know-it-all brilliant witch Hermione Granger. She also didn't say anything about it, bless her.

Then, during a Quidditch game, the disastrous happened. Harry and the Hufflepuff Seeker were chasing the Snitch when a large group of Dementors gate crashed and knocked Harry off his broom. Fortunately, Dumbledore stopped him before he hit the ground. We do love our bumblebees (A.N. Dumbledore means bumblebee in Old English). Unluckily, Harry's broom broke against the Whomping Willow. Poor kid. He loved that broom. However, Time, who was no longer mad at us, told us that Harry had a couple surprises coming his way. Such a useful fellow to have around.

I noticed that Harry was really bummed after the game. His team lost for the first time in three years, Dementors intruded, and he lost his broom permanently. Then, he had a talk with dear old Professor Lupin, and was promised to be taught how to fight off Dementors.

The first surprise that Time had promised us came true later on. Harry was finally given the greatest gift possible: The Marauder's Map. Chaos and I were almost hysterical when we found out what it was. A map of Hogwarts that showed everyone, where they are, what they're doing, every minute of every day! Brilliant! And it was all Harry's! Turns out it was actually created by James Potter and his friends, but Harry didn't know that. Chaos and I immediately started planning on a design for a map of the Afterlife, where most of us Incarnations hung out. James Potter was a great help. But anyways. Armed with it and his invisibility cloak, Harry snuck into Hogsmeade through a hidden passageway, got some sweets, ambushed Malfoy and co. invisibly with snowballs, and found out the supposed truth about Sirius Black: He supposedly betrayed Harry's parents and killed Peter Pettigrew. Harry, understandably, was furious and got a murderers' urge to go after Sirius. Now, here Hades popped in and offered to send a servant to anonymously deliver Peter Pettigrew to Sirius Black, but Fate, yet again, said no. This resulted in Chaos, Hades, and I turning many of her possessions into rats and dogs. We thought it was very appropriate.

Now, Harry's second surprise happened; one which Chaos and I were jumping for joy about. Harry received the best broom on the market, a Firebolt, for Christmas anonymously. However, Hermione Granger was a snitch and told Professor McGonagall about it, thinking that Sirius Black had sent the broom, leading to it being confiscated 'until further notice'. I hate know-it-all snitches. I've met a few in my time, and they weren't any better back then.

And now, Harry was yet again broomless. Chaos wanted to go down to Earth, steal back the Firebolt, and give it to Harry, but Fate forcibly restrained him. That little mistake resulted in tying her up, attaching her to the underside of a broom and sending her up to a flight at 25000 feet. Ah, the joys of magic…

But, taking her own sweet time about it, McGonagall returned Harry's Firebolt to its rightful owner. And not a day too soon- the next Gryffindor Quidditch match was coming up. And if they lost this game, they were out of the Cup.

As you can see, I have opinions and am not afraid to share them.

However, my fears were unfounded, as Harry and co. trumped Ravenclaw, along with the bonus of Harry casting his first corporeal Patronus. I won money on that. War can be so gullible at times.

Now the inevitable bad luck occurred. Harry snuck out to Hogsmeade, but was seen by Draco Malfoy. Harry fled back to Hogwarts, but Malfoy got there first and told Professor Severus Snivellus Snape, which resulted in a close shave and Remus Lupin confiscating the Marauder's Map. Traitor. Blasphemer. Unworthy to share the Marauder's name.

Soon, the Quidditch Final happened, with Gryffindor versus Slytherin. Time, as the cheapskate he was, didn't tell us anything. As you may have guessed, patience is not my strong suit. But anyways, after a long game and a lot of cheating by the Slytherins, Gryffindor won, making Hades lose even more money, the poor fool.

But, as all teachers like, the good mood and relaxation time after the Final did not last long. Exams took place, and that meant lots of studying. I pity the little students. Unfortunately, Buckbeak the hippogriff's appeal and execution took place on the last day of exams, which was extremely worrying for our Golden Trio. However, something else came up- the ol' fraud Trelawney actually made a real- and very disturbing- prediction: She predicted that that night, before midnight, Voldemort's chained servant would break free and set out to find and rejoin his master. Also, Voldemort would rise again, 'greater and more terrible than ever he was.' Very predictably (sorry about the pun there. Unintentional), Chaos, Hades, and I were spooked. Time already knew about it, and Fate, that annoying (censored), was the one who gave that prophesy to the mortals. As if they weren't under enough pressure already. Then even more bad news came up: Buckbeak would be executed at sunset.

Predictably, the trio snuck down to Hagrid's cabin, tried to comfort him, and found the 'chained servant' from the prophesy; Peter Pettigrew, although they knew him as Scabbers the rat at that point in time. Needless to say, Ron was shocked and thrilled. Then, Dumbledore, the executioner, an old Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures member, and Cornelius Fudge came down the beaten path to the hut. The Golden Trio then had to scamper. Unfortunately, they weren't out of earshot of the hut when they heard the swish and thud of an axe. To them, Buckbeak was officially dead.

Even worse, Scabbers/Traitor escaped from Ron and went off to who knows where. It seemed natural, because rats run from cats, and Crookshanks, the half-Kneazle cat was coming toward them. And then, Sirius Black himself, albeit in dog form, turned up, attacked Ron, and dragged him into the secret passage under the Whomping Willow.

Harry and Hermione went after him, while Chaos and I took bets on how long Sirius would make Peter's death last ( I was grumbling on the fact that I had to waste my time collecting Pettigrew's soul). They eventually got to the end of the tunnel, coincidentally the Shrieking Shack, and met up with a still-alive Ron and an unfortunately-still-alive Pettigrew. They also had the questionable pleasure of meeting Sirius Black, the supposed betrayer of Harry's parents.

I was called away for a job at that point, so I missed the scene, but luckily Chaos made a memory for me. It seems Harry tried to kill Black, but Professor Lupin burst in at that point. However, instead of tying up and turning in Sirius like Harry thought he was supposed to, he realized the truth and helped reveal Scabber's true identity as Peter Pettigrew. Also revealed was that Remus was a werewolf. It took awhile, but Harry eventually accepted the truth, (hopefully) dooming Traitor (Peter). Remus and Sirius were about to kill Traitor, but Harry intervened, saving Traitor's life and forging a life debt between them. I could tell right away. Matters of life and death _are_ my territory, after all.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Severus Snivellus Snape burst in halfway, and tried to do what Harry thought Lupin was supposed to do. Don't make me say that again, please. It's hard on the tongue. Anyways, he got a little too annoying and impertinent, as always, and made three students decide to hex him. _Finally_. About time that somebody put him in his rightful place. Sorry, I digressed a little.

Anyways, off the triumphant trio- no septet- went towards the castle. But unfortunately, their troubles weren't over yet. Remus hadn't taken his Wolfbane potion, so he would be a fully fledged monster when the full moon rose- coincidentally that night. That made me wonder just how much Fate and Time were meddling with everything. Time and Fate both had flashing neon pink hair for a week after I had that thought.

But back to Remus. He transformed, along with Traitor and Sirius. The worst things seem to happen to Harry in June. Quirrell, the Basilisk, now Traitor… I mean, how much bad luck 

does this boy have?? Traitor then escaped, Remus somehow left the trio alone, and Sirius was found surrounded by Dementors at the edge of the lake. Harry valiantly tried to save him with the Patronus Charm and seemingly failed, but somehow, a fully corporeal Patronus charged down the Dementors and saved Harry and Sirius. But yet again, the problems were not over yet.

As it turned out, Snivellus Snape was the one who found the two of them. He tied up Black, levitated both of them to Hogwarts, and earned the credit for capturing Sirius. That man makes my blood boil. We all hate him. That is, Chaos, Hades, and I hate him. Harry then woke up and tried to protest Sirius' innocence, but nobody listened to him and Hermione but Dumbledore. He gave them not-very-specific instructions on what to do, and left. Of course, Hermione knew what to do.

What they had to do was fairly simple. They went back in time three hours, snuck down to Hagrid's hut, freed Buckbeak the hippogriff, and took him into the woods. The axe sound heard earlier by the trio was the executioner splitting pumpkins in anger. Then they waited around for the seven people to come out of the Whomping Willow's secret passage, and then hurried out to the lake. When Sirius, Harry, and the Dementors were all in place, the future Harry let loose with the full Patronus that scared away all the Dementors. Nature and I were very proud.

Harry and Hermione had limited time, so they took Buckbeak and flew up to the tower where Sirius Black was imprisoned, set him free, and let him and Buckbeak loose. Harry and Sirius had some uplifting words for Harry before he had to go. Then, the two mischief-maker's hightailed it back to the hospital wing, where they informed Dumbledore of their success. Fudge and Snape were enraged when they found their prisoner gone. Snivellus took it hard. Not only was his worst enemy escaped, he lost the Order of Merlin that he was going to receive. A nasty, but fully deserved blow to his ego. The Golden Trio, along with Nature, Chaos, Hades, and me up here, celebrated the venture fully. We love Marauders; every generation of them.

Of course, knowing Snivellus, it wasn't long before he took some form of petty revenge. In this case, he released the information that Professor Lupin was a werewolf. Greasy git. He always had to ruin other people's lives. For once, Fate was in agreement with us there. Chaos fainted when she popped up and agreed with us. I really think he's related to the Weasley twins somehow. One of these days, I'll have to do some research and find out if he was a Weasley when he was alive. There are just way too many similarities.

Sorry I went off on a tangent like that. You really should have said something. That was a real waste of time just thinking something and having some stupid magical book recording everything I say.

… Oh. I'm doing it again, aren't I? Sorry

Anyways, moving on. Harry found out and tried to convince Professor Lupin to stay, but to no avail. Remus had already made up his mind. He then returned the Marauder's Map to Harry, and confirmed that James Potter had been a Stag Animagi. It's too bad that he didn't stay to teach Harry how to become one too. Ah, the possibilities… If I was a bird, I could attack Fate with wings, beak and talons… Or, better yet, a dog. To be able to ruin all Fate's beautiful carpets… Oh, right. Sorry. To quote the movie "Madagascar", "_You didn't see anything…right!?_

Sorry.

As it was, Harry was still feeling guilty about Traitor escaping, so Dumblebee (Yes, that's my nickname for him. Shut up.) had to convince him that the bond between them was not such a bad thing after all. It did mean that Traitor owed him his life now, and that he would have to save Harry's life sometime in the future. That is a rather useful thing, isn't it? I think so, at least.

Nobody at Hogwarts (Except for Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Dumblebee) knew what happened with Sirius and the great escape, but there were a great many rumors. Chaos actually went down there and put a few ideas into various someones' heads, which lead to extremely far-fetched rumors. You gotta love Chaos. Fate, however, was not amused. War was, though. He's like that.

On the train ride home, Harry received a rather pleasing letter from Sirius. It contained a confession that he had sent the Firebolt to Harry, but hadn't jinxed it, and a slip of paper that gave his permission for Harry to go to Hogsmeade on weekends. I wish I could go too. Lucky little munchkins. He then terrified the Dursleys with the fact that his godfather was a 'mad mass murderer' and would be checking up on him. Chaos and I wholeheartedly approved.

And so Harry Potter's third year at Hogwarts ended.

Chaos, James, and I finished the Marauder's Map of the Afterlife, and boy, was it a success! We could track everybody, everywhere, anytime, every moment of every day! Sorry, but that's so fun to say. Anyways, Fate was really not amused, especially with the feature that made it so you could set up the pranks with a few words and a tap of the map. A huge improvement. I'm not sure how she found out about it, though. She probably followed us as a spider when we had the original ideas.

Well, enough prank talk for now. Hades, War, Chaos, James, and I are going to throw a huge party tonight. Lots of beer, food, movies, fish stories, and more. Probably half the Afterlife has been invited. See ya.

A.N. Oh my god, two months. Please forgive me; I just haven't had time to update. I don't think this update was as good as the last so far. If you have some constructive criticism, please tell. No flames.

To The DarIm: Only review if you have something good to say, like constructive criticism. However, if you're too weak-minded to do that, get the hell off my stories and write your own.

To all readers/reviewers: I've run out of Ideas for more Incarnations. If you have some ideas, feel free to review and give suggestions. The current Incarnations are Death, Chaos, Fate, Time, War, and Hades. Thanks!


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